THE HARDEST DECISION EVER TO GIVE MY
PRECIOUS GIFT
Brittany
Reed-Williams
American Intercontinental University
Abstract
This paper is about my difficult
decision to give one of my precious children as a gift to another family. I gave birth to a child in 2007 and had to
make a choice to give that child up for adoption. I want to share the ups and downs, the fears
and reasons I made such a hard choice. There were trials and triumphs in this
process and it is my pleasure to share it with you. This is my story of what it meant to me what
I hope happens later. This was the hardest choice of my life.
THE HARDEST DECISION EVER
TO GIVE MY PRECIOUSE GIFT
There was a young woman about 25 years old, young and not married she
already at 25 had 3 children. This woman
so desperately wanted to find love so looked for it in all the wrong places.
She had standards men in her life had to have their own money and car, now
where the money came from didn't really matter.
She wanted to be in control of her space so only allowed others so
close. She met a man; some would call him a boy. But he had his own money, and didn't want to
move into her apartment so he was a man by Brittany’s standards the woman’s
name is Brittany. Brittany didn't know
much about relationships because the only relationship she could remember was
with a wonder staff member who worked at one of the many group home she had
moved around to her whole life. And even
this woman Brittany can’t really remember any more because she {the woman} did stay
around very long like most people in Brittany’s life.
So because of the life style she lead Brittany came to the time when a very hard choice had to made,
pregnant again by her abuser 1 month after giving birth to her first daughter and
in a home with a man and his family who allowed these man to be abusive to her
most of the time. She already had three
children one of them living with his father, but not wanting to be pregnant at
all by this man she did not know what to do. So one day just tired of fighting she ran,
hard because he followed her for an hour; her on foot him in a car but not
turning back no matter what he said. Brittany had nowhere to go. Deciding to call the police because she did not know what the man would do, she was told to walk to the police station pregnant
with two children one outfit for each child and a few diapers, while walking
Brittany promised herself she would never allow herself to be treated so poorly
again, and would never allow her children to see her abused by any other man. The police took her to a safe place much too
close to her well known drug dealing gang affiliated exes boyfriends, so they
had to move her over night to very secluded location then even while there one
of the other women knew her and her exes so she had to be put on a greyhound to
the most beautiful house she ever seen man it was a wonderful place she loved
it there the kids loved it but it was temporary they were only allowed to stay
there for 4 to 6 weeks. So Brittany had
to first make some changes, she missed him sometimes. She
6 months pregnant and her baby only
71/2 months old was so scared to do all this on her own. What would happen to
her what would people think of her?
One of the wonderful women at the
Domestic Violence Shelter actual the counselor they had there asked her what
she wanted to do about the pregnancy and everything? Then she gave her a pamphlet for an adoption agency
to read. She told her to just look it over and think about it as an option. Brittany was scared but knew that it was just
hard taking care of the two children she had in her custody what would she do
with another baby? So agreed to call the agency, and have a meeting with them. When she met the director at first all she say
was a white women willing to take her baby and give her too another white
women. But Beth was sweet and even
seemed to care about her. She showed her some profiles of families but Beth
said she already had a family in mind that the family already had a black child
in the home so it would be perfect. It
was arranged for the two families to meet, but first Brittany was moved to a
nice hotel. Once she saw the hotel she
decided no matter what her decision she was going to hold out at least until
the baby was born, allow the family to take care of her for the next few
months. The agency brought her food
whenever she asked for it and even gave her money to go places with her kids. They asked to be on T.V. network called TLC to
do a documentary on adoption; she agreed. So the Director moved her into her guest house
with her kids bought them new close and cribs for the baby just made her feel
very welcomed. Took her to doctors’
appointments and ultrasounds made sure she was very well taken care of.
The day she met Kelly and Todd was so uncomfortable at first, knowing
that one day soon they might be taking her baby home was not a great feeling. They were like a human Ken and Barbie doll so
handsome, and wealthy Kelly was a teacher for special needs children and Todd
was some sort of business man. They had
the same smile all the time even when she was not in a good mood they would
smile. They had a little girl I will call Mary who was so happy with her
obviously white parents ad her very black face. It made Brittany not trusts
them all the way she always thought what do they want with my baby?? How will
they treat her?? Will they make me out
to be this weak and trouble black women?? But every time they invited her to dinner she went,
she loved the fancy food, and she could order whatever she wanted even for the
kids. She likes Todd much better
probably because he was a man. She never
had a father of her own. She spent her
whole pregnancy with the Director and her family and even loved them they
really treated her like family. Beth was
her name. She made a scrap book to give to her baby once she old enough to read
it she wrote her letters, one for when she became an adult. Hoping Kelly and Todd would make sure her
little girl gets it, she put tons of pictures of herself pregnant of the baby’s
father of the other kids even of Beth and her husband. Just in case she decided
to give them the baby.
Brittany wakes up from a nap because she is having pain; Beth takes her
to the hospital Brittany is only 2 centimeters dilated but Beth still calls for
Kelly and Todd to make their way to the hospital. The hospital staff at the hospital tells her
to go and walk that her {Brittany’s} labor had not progressed far enough. They went straight home Brittany laid down for
all of 30 minutes and knew she needed to go back to the hospital the pain was
so intense, all she could do was scream. It took about 10 minutes to get back
to the hospital, Brittany was met by a wheel chair wheeled to the 3rd
floor and the baby was born ten minutes later, yes 10 minutes they had cut her
clothes off to get to the baby. She was so beautiful and tiny, and came in a
dramatic fashion. Brittany was sure God allowed it to happen this way so she
could have time with her baby alone Todd and Kelly were not there. They didn't
arrive for hours and she knew once they did she would not get to just look at
her baby; she wanted to remember her face forever. She was so small and looked
so much like her big sister except she had no hair, just a little pit of peach
fuzz. She prayed for her and asked God to give the baby the desire to know who
her mother really was, she thought about just taking her and running out the
door. Then she thought to herself I promised them a baby, but does it have to
be this baby? Yes it does.
Finally they were there Todd, and Kelly her heart sinks in her chest,
Brittany knows that this is it. Kelly picks up the baby, before they discussed
her name would either be Ciara, or Sienna, she looked at Brittany’s baby and
said Sienna her name is Sienna Brittany could see how much Kelly loved her, but
still thought I love her more. They allowed Kelly to stay the night at the
hospital but because Brittany had delivered the baby naturally they only were
staying one night. Kelly didn't get up when the baby cried Brittany believes
she did it to let this mother and daughter ad least have one night together.
And Brittany was so grateful to get up every time for about an hour she just
held the baby and smiled she didn't cry. She didn't want the sun to rise, it
did. The morning was really quiet no one said much. Todd came in with some very
nice flowers and a card, Brittany didn't read it right away, and still she
didn't cry. They brought the birth
certificate and asked what name she wanted to put on it she just went on and
put the name the new parents chose to make it easier for them. They would have to change it later. So her
birth certificate read Sienna Reed Migill her middle name was Brittany’s last
name, another wonderful thing Todd and Kelly had done that made her want to
dislike them for being so wonderful; and perfect. It was time to check out of the hospital
Brittany got Sienna ready to go dressed her, even put her in her car seat for
the Migills to take her home. She did not cry. They nurse rolled her to lobby every one
walking behind her, Todd caring the baby and then they separate saying good bye
as they walk away. The ride in the car
with Beth and Brittany was so quiet Brittany said not one word. When gets in the house and sees the kids she
holds they so tight, they of course did not understand why. Beth suggests she
takes the kids for a couple hours so Brittany could rest. When Brittany goes outside on the porch to sit
she realizes that she home but her baby is not she may never see her child
again, it felt like a ball in her throat she couldn't stop the tears, she could
not see out of her eyes from the tears, and she just felt so helpless, what did
she just do? Who gives their baby away? Even though this was so hard for her she knew
it was the right choice for her at the time, but man this hurt like she never
had felt before. Brittany felt like she
would never recover from this.
Brittany did recover some I have to say Sienna is now about 6 years old
and when I write this, I still had to clear the tears from my eyes
just to finish that last few paragraphs I did love my baby , but wanted to give
her a better life, and I truly believe that was
achieved. I also believe now that
I have had two more children since then that this is something that I could have
done on my own if I had more super and encouragement I could have raised my own
child. This still was the hardest choice
I ever had to make but all in all I am glad that it happen its will be a
wonderful testimony to share with others who might have had the same situation.
Loving your children doesn't always mean
the same for every one for me it mint letting one go.
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