My family so beautiful and happy!!!

So me and my kids are watching a cartoon version of passion of the Christ I look over and Say to my five year old "You know who that is on the cross "she says with tears in her eyes that's Yahushua,( Jesus)". Of course I start crying with her and say Kayloni its ok , that means you have an understanding of what Yahushua did for you, and most adults don't even have any idea,I am so proud! Teach a child the way that they should go, and they will not depart from it:)Forget that at her age I was trying to stay alive, but oh How He(Yahushua) loved me!!! And he watched over me even when I didn't know who he was! When I say I say I should have been dead, I mean it! But not only did he keep me alive he allowed me to keep my right mind so I could teach my children the right way. And they do listen!!

The hardest decision ever. I wrote this for a college class I got an A yall!

       THE HARDEST DECISION EVER TO GIVE MY PRECIOUS GIFT

Brittany Reed-Williams

  American Intercontinental University

Abstract

This paper is about my difficult decision to give one of my precious children as a gift to another family.  I gave birth to a child in 2007 and had to make a choice to give that child up for adoption.  I want to share the ups and downs, the fears and reasons I made such a hard choice. There were trials and triumphs in this process and it is my pleasure to share it with you.  This is my story of what it meant to me what I hope happens later. This was the hardest choice of my life.

 

                     THE HARDEST DECISION EVER TO GIVE MY PRECIOUSE GIFT

           

     There was a young woman about 25 years old, young and not married she already at 25 had 3 children.  This woman so desperately wanted to find love so looked for it in all the wrong places. She had standards men in her life had to have their own money and car, now where the money came from didn't really matter.  She wanted to be in control of her space so only allowed others so close. She met a man; some would call him a boy.  But he had his own money, and didn't want to move into her apartment so he was a man by Brittany’s standards the woman’s name is Brittany.  Brittany didn't know much about relationships because the only relationship she could remember was with a wonder staff member who worked at one of the many group home she had moved around to her whole life.  And even this woman Brittany can’t really remember any more because she {the woman} did stay around very long like most people in Brittany’s life.

     So because of the life style she lead Brittany came to the  time when a very hard choice had to made, pregnant again by her abuser 1 month after giving birth to her first daughter and in a home with a man and his family who allowed these man to be abusive to her most of the time.  She already had three children one of them living with his father, but not wanting to be pregnant at all by this man she did not know what to do.  So one day just tired of fighting she ran, hard because he followed her for an hour; her on foot him in a car but not turning back no matter what he said. Brittany had nowhere to go.  Deciding to call the police because she did not know what the man would do, she was told to walk to the police station pregnant with two children one outfit for each child and a few diapers, while walking Brittany promised herself she would never allow herself to be treated so poorly again, and would never allow her children to see her abused by any other man.  The police took her to a safe place much too close to her well known drug dealing gang affiliated exes boyfriends, so they had to move her over night to very secluded location then even while there one of the other women knew her and her exes so she had to be put on a greyhound to the most beautiful house she ever seen man it was a wonderful place she loved it there the kids loved it but it was temporary they were only allowed to stay there for 4 to 6 weeks.  So Brittany had to first make some changes, she missed him sometimes. She

6 months pregnant and her baby only 71/2 months old was so scared to do all this on her own. What would happen to her what would people think of her?

       One of the wonderful women at the Domestic Violence Shelter actual the counselor they had there asked her what she wanted to do about the pregnancy and everything?  Then she gave her a pamphlet for an adoption agency to read. She told her to just look it over and think about it as an option.  Brittany was scared but knew that it was just hard taking care of the two children she had in her custody what would she do with another baby? So agreed to call the agency, and have a meeting with them.  When she met the director at first all she say was a white women willing to take her baby and give her too another white women.  But Beth was sweet and even seemed to care about her. She showed her some profiles of families but Beth said she already had a family in mind that the family already had a black child in the home so it would be perfect.  It was arranged for the two families to meet, but first Brittany was moved to a nice hotel.  Once she saw the hotel she decided no matter what her decision she was going to hold out at least until the baby was born, allow the family to take care of her for the next few months.  The agency brought her food whenever she asked for it and even gave her money to go places with her kids.  They asked to be on T.V. network called TLC to do a documentary on adoption; she agreed.  So the Director moved her into her guest house with her kids bought them new close and cribs for the baby just made her feel very welcomed.  Took her to doctors’ appointments and ultrasounds made sure she was very well taken care of.

    The day she met Kelly and Todd was so uncomfortable at first, knowing that one day soon they might be taking her baby home was not a great feeling.  They were like a human Ken and Barbie doll so handsome, and wealthy Kelly was a teacher for special needs children and Todd was some sort of business man.  They had the same smile all the time even when she was not in a good mood they would smile. They had a little girl I will call Mary who was so happy with her obviously white parents ad her very black face. It made Brittany not trusts them all the way she always thought what do they want with my baby?? How will they treat her??  Will they make me out to be this weak and trouble black women??  But every time they invited her to dinner she went, she loved the fancy food, and she could order whatever she wanted even for the kids.  She likes Todd much better probably because he was a man.  She never had a father of her own.  She spent her whole pregnancy with the Director and her family and even loved them they really treated her like family.  Beth was her name. She made a scrap book to give to her baby once she old enough to read it she wrote her letters, one for when she became an adult.  Hoping Kelly and Todd would make sure her little girl gets it, she put tons of pictures of herself pregnant of the baby’s father of the other kids even of Beth and her husband. Just in case she decided to give them the baby.

     Brittany wakes up from a nap because she is having pain; Beth takes her to the hospital Brittany is only 2 centimeters dilated but Beth still calls for Kelly and Todd to make their way to the hospital.  The hospital staff at the hospital tells her to go and walk that her {Brittany’s} labor had not progressed far enough.  They went straight home Brittany laid down for all of 30 minutes and knew she needed to go back to the hospital the pain was so intense, all she could do was scream. It took about 10 minutes to get back to the hospital, Brittany was met by a wheel chair wheeled to the 3^rd floor and the baby was born ten minutes later, yes 10 minutes they had cut her clothes off to get to the baby. She was so beautiful and tiny, and came in a dramatic fashion. Brittany was sure God allowed it to happen this way so she could have time with her baby alone Todd and Kelly were not there. They didn't arrive for hours and she knew once they did she would not get to just look at her baby; she wanted to remember her face forever. She was so small and looked so much like her big sister except she had no hair, just a little pit of peach fuzz. She prayed for her and asked God to give the baby the desire to know who her mother really was, she thought about just taking her and running out the door. Then she thought to herself I promised them a baby, but does it have to be this baby? Yes it does.

     Finally they were there Todd, and Kelly her heart sinks in her chest, Brittany knows that this is it. Kelly picks up the baby, before they discussed her name would either be Ciara, or Sienna, she looked at Brittany’s baby and said Sienna her name is Sienna Brittany could see how much Kelly loved her, but still thought I love her more. They allowed Kelly to stay the night at the hospital but because Brittany had delivered the baby naturally they only were staying one night. Kelly didn't get up when the baby cried Brittany believes she did it to let this mother and daughter ad least have one night together. And Brittany was so grateful to get up every time for about an hour she just held the baby and smiled she didn't cry. She didn't want the sun to rise, it did. The morning was really quiet no one said much. Todd came in with some very nice flowers and a card, Brittany didn't read it right away, and still she didn't cry.  They brought the birth certificate and asked what name she wanted to put on it she just went on and put the name the new parents chose to make it easier for them.  They would have to change it later. So her birth certificate read Sienna Reed Migill her middle name was Brittany’s last name, another wonderful thing Todd and Kelly had done that made her want to dislike them for being so wonderful; and perfect.  It was time to check out of the hospital Brittany got Sienna ready to go dressed her, even put her in her car seat for the Migills to take her home. She did not cry.  They nurse rolled her to lobby every one walking behind her, Todd caring the baby and then they separate saying good bye as they walk away.  The ride in the car with Beth and Brittany was so quiet Brittany said not one word.  When gets in the house and sees the kids she holds they so tight, they of course did not understand why. Beth suggests she takes the kids for a couple hours so Brittany could rest.  When Brittany goes outside on the porch to sit she realizes that she home but her baby is not she may never see her child again, it felt like a ball in her throat she couldn't stop the tears, she could not see out of her eyes from the tears, and she just felt so helpless, what did she just do?  Who gives their baby away?  Even though this was so hard for her she knew it was the right choice for her at the time, but man this hurt like she never had felt before.  Brittany felt like she would never recover from this.

     Brittany did recover some I have to say Sienna is now about 6 years old and when I write this, I still had to clear the tears from my eyes just to finish that last few paragraphs I did love my baby , but wanted to give her a better life, and I truly believe that was  achieved.  I also believe now that I have had two more children since then that this is something that I could have done on my own if I had more super and encouragement I could have raised my own child.  This still was the hardest choice I ever had to make but all in all I am glad that it happen its will be a wonderful testimony to share with others who might have had the same situation.  Loving your children doesn't always mean the same for every one for me it mint letting one go.